MOSER-BAER

I have always stated that I subconsciously try to emulate people I have met in my life and all I pen down is nothing original or creative. So in future if you come across someone who calls me a cheating liar, well, believe him.

I also promised that I would share some of the most important moments of my college life with you. What I merely wish is that the words of these people have the same effect on you as they had on me. So here I narrate to you a conversation I had with a person a day before he was about to leave college..forever..

It was just after our semester exams had finished, and people were packing their bags to go home for the much awaited summer break. I had my dinner and was walking back to my hostel when suddenly I remembered that [………] was also leaving tomorrow. The guy had helped me a lot throughout the year and I owe him a lot and so I went to his room to bid him farewell. Seeing me he asked in his usual manner,” So, what brings you here today?”.

“I came to say bye. That’s all.”, I replied.

He smiled and said,” And how am I supposed to react to that? I am not very experienced at talking to people bidding me farewell.”

I had actually disturbed him at a time when he was busy burning DVDs with the movies and TV Serials he had watched [and Downloaded], so that he could take them home. But he wasn’t displeased, on the contrary, he went on to say something that I still cherish and value.

“So, since I am the senior, I am supposed to tell you something which would help you survive in this hostile environment. Well, all I can say this that there were a lot of wrong things happening here when I joined, and nothing much has changed since then. Its not that I didn’t try to change them, but I just couldn’t. I have seen programs, circuits being copied from the net and being shown as a final year project. We already know what is good and what is not, yet most of the times we choose the easy way to bail out. The fault is not in the copying or apathy, whole of India does it nowadays, the problem is with our attitude towards doing things. Students are not mocked for studying or working hard here, they are actually treated as heroes for doing their job! We could all follow suit, but unfortunately we are too lazy or rather too tired. I am not saying that the crowd here is stupid or dumb. They are actually the best brains of the country, but what I hate most is the meek surrender against enticing evil of intellectual gimmickry. I agree that it there are problems with administration, but are we completely clean? “

Honestly, I didn’t have an answer to that question. I remained silent and watched the computer screen. It displayed the copying as 75% completed. He continued,” I am sorry but I was supposed to say some words of encouragement. Ok, all I’ll say is that to do well, believe that you are the best, act like the best, work like the best, live like the best and most importantly whenever you do anything, give it your best. Have faith in your abilities. If you have come this far you can obviously go further.”

The DVD copying was completed by now, and it ejected out. He picked it up and kept in the case nicely. “Have you had your dinner?”, he asked.

“Yes, just before I came here”.

“Good, then come, we’ll have a chocolate shake at Evergreen.”. He kept the case aside and we walked out of the room.

As we were about to lock the room before leaving, something happened to him. In a flash he unlatched the door went inside and came out with a DVD. “Take this, its blank. I don’t need it anymore. I couldn’t use it. It might be of greater help to you.”. I took the blank DVD and we walked out to savour the local ambrosia.

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I hope you liked it. Because I certainly did like the free chocolate shake. ;)

HOT SEAT

It has been a rollicking journey so far as an undergraduate. I have always stated that I use bits and pieces of others' personalities to form my own. Hence, I don't actually exist. My whole physical entity is more of an ensemble of thoughts and ideas of the people I have met in life who have influenced me.
And the last three years in college have somehow been a real transformation period. I have met people who have such a clear perception of life, that you cant help but look up to them. People of such determination and courage, that you are coerced to emulate them. I have learnt a lot from my fellow students and now I intend to give some of it back. Therefore I narrate this short incident that happened during our freshers party this year [2007].

As you can see, the heading suggests a lot about the incident. So avoiding unnecessary details, I move on straightaway to the scene. Its a hotel lounge. I am resting on the sofa along with my group mates. Standing in front of us is my senior coolly puffing a fag and castigating a junior for asking a question, “Who the hell are you to ask me such a question? Have you ever been to my room and asked me about my well being? Who are you to judge me?What you are saying is simply ridiculous. You say I behave differently these days and I'll tell you that I haven't talked to you for six months.”.

While all this was happenning, I felt sorry for the junior. Poor guy, he had merely asked a question as a custom, and now he was being punished for doing it. But I still think that my senior was correct in pointing out, that we had no right to judge him. Anyways, he continued speaking pausing sometimes for a whiff and said something which I feel as the greatest collection of words used to describe life. He said, a little appeased by seeing the junior so scared,” Well. its ok..But, I still wont answer that ludicrous question. What I will now tell you is my story, or better, every final year's story. I'll tell you about the four years of college life. I'll tell you what we do as students here. It is utterly insignificant whether what we do is right or wrong. What matters is that each one of us go through the same phases in these four years...” Here he broke off for a swig from a glass nearby.

He continued,” We enter here as first years,..or freshers..as they are called...not sure of ourselves, little scared of people around us. Walking cowed down, scared by the sight of seniors. But as the time passes, we form friends with people, start enjoying ourselves. Life becomes a little easy. I still say that friendship bonds formed in the first year are the strongest if they continue. You get accustomed to living alone. You start taking responsibilities. You tend to understand that its not such a bad world if you do things the right way. You begin to understand the high-handedness of authorities.”
Now suddenly I could feel a kind of energy in the air. Everyone was listening intently.
“Then comes the great second year. We feel like lions in a jungle. Free from the bondages of being a first year, we feel ourselves overwhelmed by the responsibility of ragging the juniors. Mouthing obscenities in every sentence we speak. There is also a lovely part. We fall in so called love. I'll tell you personally that it is a beautiful feeling and it can actually inspire you to do great things. Warmed by this strange feeling we tend to go around the college, hanging around in 'nescea' or panditji. We want to be seen and noticed. Its good if we get the girl. But what if we don't. Many of us, and I say this after seeing many people, tend to falter. I say that it is a bad thing to do. The feeling of love is too great,relish it,don't ruin it. We shouldn't expect anything else. And more importantly, damn it!..... we have a career to worry about.”
“The third year is the year of frenzy. Worried about grades and placement. People who do not have decent scores start feeling the pinch. Others just tend to worry about the big job issue.You feel the urge to study and do well, everytime you breathe.People you have been friends with for the last 2.5 years suddenly turn into competitors. So, I advice you all to please handle the stress well...Whooooa ... its here..”

By this time our auto had arrived and we had to leave..It was very late in the night and manager of the hotel had already warned us once. So we left. I hadn't noticed that I was walking alongside my senior. He placed a hand on my shoulder and asked,” What do you think of today?”. I said ,”Sir, I think sometimes we need other people to help us understand ourselves. You just did that to me.” With a smile he said, “Isn't life beautiful?”. I smiled back and said, “ Indeed, but only for those who live it.”.

This episode ends here. It was important in the sense that it made me understand why people do what they do. I knew what was coming to me in the next few years so I was prepared for it. But here is the catch...I still do not know about the last year..May be I'll have to discover it myself.

Anyway, if you are going home on diwali and if you liked this, please do not forget to get me some sweets. Personally I prefer rasgullas and kaju barfi..Rest is upto you. ;)

Wishing you a Happy Diwali...

A CUP OF COFFEE AND A LITTLE DRIZZLE

On a rainy night in september in Allahabad, a weather completely rare for the city, when a young romancer might feel lonely, when the breeze is so cool and serene that the tranquilizing effect it has can sooth the most enverate mind, or when the surroundings are filled with gentle music of the water trickling down and the sound of it splashing on the puddles. At these times of euphoric calm when others tend to relax and enjoy mother nature, my mind decieves me by making me think of days of past when I used to return from classes on rainy evenings, and my mom had a plate of pakodas or samosas and a hot cup of tea ready for me. The smell of the rain still remains the same, but what I miss most is feeling of being at home, being safe and knowing that you have people around you who care for you.

When the tiny trinklets of water strike my face as I walk briskly, so that I look as if I am trying to avoid getting wet when I am actually not, I tend to relive the times spent at my home. It rains heavily at my place around august and september so whenever I am presented with a chance to to enjoy the rain I never miss it. The feeling of nostalgia is sometimes so strong that its not only the clouds which are shedding water. I realise at these moments that I might not be able to spend stay at home, and having left home I know that I might not even be able to spend the same amount of time with my parents as I had when I was young. The tiny sparkles of water shining in the light of the nearby street lamp, while falling down from heavens, seem like the the days of my past..long gone but still fresh in my memory..

I think of all this and then I think of my present life, of my friends now, of the people I know, of what I have achieved in last few years, of all that I have lost and I realise that all of it is worth the price the I have paid for it..{especially you my dear BIWI ;) }.I have gained a lot more than I have lost. Last two years of my have been like riding on the fast lane. Things have happened so fast that even before I realised it I was a changed person. All this for my own good and for the good of people who know me. I do miss home often but I have grown accustomed to it. Getting used to pain just makes it a lot more easy to bear rather than crying it out. At last I realise that home is a mere misnomer, its how you live your life that matters. We are all nomads, it is not in our rule book to dwell at one place...

You might think of me as a retrospective nerd sermonising on things far above my station, but its just the way I feel.

And can you imagine that I thought of all this with a cup of hot coffee in my hand.. ;)

A girl’s speech on Independence Day

So much has been said already by people whose words carry much more meaning than mine, that it seems that whatever I write here might just turn out to be a mixture of ideas of various people over time. So I am not going to burden myself with heavy quotes and deep philosophical and social relevance of independence. What I will write about is a young girl’s speech on 15^th August. A speech which very few people heard and even fewer grasped. A speech that I remember to date, not because the speaker was voluble or cogent, but simply because it was the first honest oration I have ever heard in my life.

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“Dear friends we gather today on the occasion which you are very well aware of. People before me have spoken about challenges in science, space and economy. They have talked angrily about our system’s failure in certain areas. Being a junior as I am, I agree to whatever that has been said by my predecessors. Therefore I will not discuss those things again with you. What I will tell you is the story of a young boy born somewhere in India. It matters not whether he is rich or poor , whether he is intelligent or dumb. What matters most is that he was born in a country which we inhabit too, and thus happens to be our brother.

His parents sent him to school to carry on the family tradition. To carry on the business already handled by his brothers. The business, he saw only benefited some of his brothers while others accumulated losses. So he decided not to take up the regular business. He decided to be a miner and dig for diamonds. The people around him, told him that there were no diamonds left in the country. All mines had already been exhausted of its jewels.

But, undeterred he carried on. He chose a site and started digging. He dug day and night, toiled hard but could get no diamonds. People around him, his brothers, forced him to stop, but he never lent an ear to what they had to say. He was determined to get diamonds for he thought that this was still a precious country. Then one day it happened. God appeared in his dreams and told him the exact site to look for diamonds. Next day he started digging at the same place and got what he wanted most. Those precious jewels which he had earned by his hard work and courage, were all his now.

This is where the story ends. You might think I wasted your precious time by telling you a story without any message. But if you think closely the message is clear and loud for all of us to hear.

“ At present we need less businessmen and more miners”

And with that message I close my speech so that I can also get a taste of the ice-creams to be given out today.

Thank you very much for your patience,

Jai Hind.”

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I hope you liked it and I don’t think I have anything more to say now. So even I say “Vande Matram” and sign off. Have a nice day.

A CUP OF TEA……

It is 2’o clock at night and I find myself sitting on the old, crippled bench on roadside teashop. I have decided against narrating my cause for being at such a place at such time. But, just to give you an idea, I had been working continuously for 2 hours and failed to find a proper solution to the problem at hand. The weather itself was not too great, so even while I was sitting outside I could feel no breeze, even at this time, thus obviously making it difficult for me.

Sorry, I have this peculiar habit of digressing into insignificant details when they can very easily be avoided. The reason I write this is that somehow I feel that I have degraded as a human being.

Living in this decadent world thriving on iniquity, I found that even I have been influenced by it. My reason for saying this is that while sitting on that crippled bench, I witnessed the state of poverty in India. I saw this young kid and his brother make me tea, {at this age where they should be going to school and not waking up nights to serve tea on roadside}, a beggar asleep on a four wheeled cart used by hawkers, a rikshaw puller half asleep on his rikshaw, another kid half-naked playing with stones, indifferent towards the trucks passing by at full speed. While I saw all this strangely I did not feel a thing.

Had I been a human being I would certainly felt something, but I had this strange apathy towards all of this as if it was usual for such things to occur. I was not like this earlier but somehow I have transfigured into this strange obnoxious fellow, who cannot see others’ pains. I was thinking all this, while the events unfolding themselves infront of me told a sorry tale. The kid and his brother took rest in turns on a disfigured three-wheeler nearby. And I did not feel anything in my heart even then. I paid the kid and walked back to my room, discontent with myself. All along the way I felt sad, not about the poverty neither about the kids and the beggar. I felt bad because I did not feel that way. I had been a good kid, but somehow during the growing up process, I had lost my compassion and soul or may be I had been robbed of it.

“ Is this what my mom wanted me to be?”, I asked myself. . But the discussion seemed fruitless and so did the introspection.

I went to my room, switched off the computer, and decided to go to sleep. I know I could not answer the question honestly, so hence I to put the matter to rest. I don’t know what went wrong where, I don’t know what kind of a being I am going to end up as, but I know one thing for sure I am not the only one at fault, for the change in me….But for now I feel as if I have hit rockbottom…

Signoff:::

“Sometimes I wonder... will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other?

Then I look around and I realize. God left this place a long time ago.”

-Blood Diamond

I wrote this one for a community post.Thought it was good enough to be posted here.

Hiding in a lie,
.........i fake a smile,to be with you.
Living in recluse,
.........i party all night ,to be with you.
Drenched in pain,
.........i laugh out loud,to be with you.
Bruised and hurt,
.........i heal others,to be with you.
Sick and tired,
.........i'll run a mile, to be with you.
Down and out,
........i besiege the world,to be with you.
Tears run down my cheek,
.......but still i fake a smile,for the sake of being with you...

TIME-TROUBLE

I have been thinking of writing this one for a long time now. Till now I have only written about some truths and done a little bit of surgeon-like dissection of facts. I have always tried to present facts, without bending them to suit my needs. Well in this one I try out an entirely different genre, and it might not come out well. But still taking a little liberty I try out my hand at fiction. The story proceeds thus:

Not so long ago there lived a boy called Timothy Green in a sleepy little town of Picaris inhabited by ordinary people like ourselves. No elves, no fairies had ever been seen in the town and it was rare to find people discussing about them. Tim as he was called by those who knew him, was also an ordinary plain boy, a boy who played soccer all day and still managed to complete his homework quite like a lot of young boys living around him. But he loved going to school not because he loved studies but because he had a special friend whom he was only able to meet in school as she lived far from his house.

Lily lived on the outskirts of the Picaris and had to take a bus to come to school. She was also fond of her school. Studying in seventh grade with kids of her age, with whom she could play in the intermission and chatter in-between classes, gave her enough of a reason to go to school everyday.

Like everyday she was playing hide and seek during the lunch break when suddenly someone hit against her while she was hiding behind a pillar. That someone was Tim, and Lily started scolding him, “Of all the places in the school, you had to choose this pillar to hide behind, now we’ll both get caught!”. Tim said, “ Not if you remain silent”. For five minutes they both hid behind the tall and broad pillar silently, until Lily decided to speak, “Tim, we have been best friends for quite a time now, and I talked to my mom about you and my other friends, and how I really love this place and how I didn’t wish to leave it, but she always tells me that people change and things change as we move on in life. Promise me Tim that you will always remain the Tim I know, the Tim I like, the Tim I….”, with this the bell rang and Lily scurried off to her class with a shade of pink on her cheeks. Tim stood there and simply breathed out something which sounded like, “I promise”, with his eyes looking in the direction Lily had taken.

Five years passed. Lily’s mom had admitted her to a new school close to their house as soon as she had completed her class seventh. Tim had kept his promise and as a result now when he was in his final year at school Tim had no friend as he did not interact with people around him and kept all by himself. He had stopped going out with his friends after class eighth and kept himself locked up in his room. He did all this to avoid getting affected by worldly influences. He had seen how boys in his class had changed their hairstyles, and girls had stopped talking freely to boys. In short he had seen people around him change. In order to stay away from all this and keep his promise to Lily he had done all this, though he had not seen her after she left school.

And then one day he saw her, there she was having a pizza in the shop nearby, he went to her and introduced himself. She failed to recognize him, and then Tim left the place with a broken heart and wet eyes. The fault wasn’t Lily’s. Anyone would fail to recognize you if you appear in a public place with outdated clothes. But a fault had occurred, and it had made Tim lock up his door from inside leaving him to cry out alone.

He felt dejected and cheated. She was the one who had made him promise not to change with time and today she also had left him. He did not feel like living anymore. And thus with a heavy heart he continued shedding tears until he felt someone touch his head. He turned back sharply and saw a beautiful creature sitting behind him. It looked like a girl except for the fact that it had a pair of gleaming golden wings. Tim stood up, startled by this sudden apparition and weakly said, “Who are you? And what are you doing in my room?”

“Stay calm Tim. I am a fairy who has come to help you. My name is Tira. You have been a good boy Tim, and have never done anything wrong, so God sent me to help you find yourself again”., said the creature.

“I don’t need anyone’s help. I have suffered enough. I am not able to understand the fact why things, people and surroundings change, Why cannot they remain static. The sun, the moon, the stars they never change then why do we have to go through this?” inquired the lad, in visible anguish.

“You see Tim, you trouble yourself too much over this. The fact that you decided to keep a five year old promise speaks volumes about you.”

Tim wasn’t satisfied with this, “Why do people have to change ?”

“Who is your favorite player Tim? And why do you like him?” ,asked Tira.

“Federer without doubt, I like him because he never bows down against any opponent and gives his 100%, but what has this got to do with my question?”

“This has everything to do with your question That Federer is able to compete so well is because he adjusts his game well. I hope you understand when I say that he has actually evolved himself. He takes the level of play to an entirely new dimension. Or we can simply put it as, that he has changed the way tennis is played.”- replied Tira.

“I think I am beginning to understand you Tira, but what is the use of such a change in life?”-inquired Tim. He wasn’t sad anymore but was rather intent on knowing more from his heavenly friend.

“What you call change, I call metamorphosis. You see Tim, when you chose to freeze time for yourself, you decided to violate the most basic law of nature. It is the destiny of the caterpillar to change into a butterfly. If a caterpillar refuses to develop, it is playing with its own fate. By changing I don’t mean that you become an entirely different person rather you groom yourself to face the challenges of life. A baby bird has to learn to fly, it cannot remain in the nest forever. Some people change for good others for bad but they do change, that is the rule and when you decide against it, not only do you hurt yourself but you also hurt the people around you who care for you.”- came the reply from Tira.

“I think I get you now. I promise you that I would never again force things on myself.”. No sooner had Tim said that than Tira disappeared in a flash of golden light so bright, that Tim was forced to shut his eyes. When he reopened his eyes he could see the rising sun through the window of his room.

First time in last five years had he woken up early enough to witness the birth of a new day……….

With this I complete my experiment on writing styles. If you have read this far I thank you. Please forgive me if you found the piece boring. It was my first ever attempt at writing such a thing. Now I sign off with a quote from a movie I watched recently:

“Artists use lies to tell the truth, while politicians use them to cover the truth up.”

- V for Vendetta

Previous blogs :

http://anurag3.blogspot.com

http://erebus-on-earth.blogspot.com

http://seekerleo.blogspot.com

http://leoheel.sulekha.com/blog/post/2007/04/i-sat-for-a-while.htm

In this one I do not intend to find faults in anyone, or frame charges against people and authorities {they seem to have got me into quite a trouble lately},but rather describe one of my infirmities.

I somehow have been able to nurture a fear of animals ever since the day I was born into this world. No matter in what package they come I am simply afraid of them, small pets, stray dogs, elephants and even cows. But if I had to single out one species it would be DOGS. They simply send a chill down my spine with their canines protruding out aiming to get a taste of your meat. What’s worse is the fact that everytime I see a dog a small sermon {which my tuition teacher hung on his gate} comes to mind:

“Our dog doesn’t bite, he chews”

The incident that triggered the creation of this blog is thus:

Its four in the morning and I wake up from sleep with a dry mouth. I grope for the water bottle in the darkness, but I think somehow the bottle managed to grow some legs that night, so that when I switched on the light I found it resting under the bed. I picked it up, and as usual.. no water. So I decided to get it filled, I knew there would be no water in the hostel at this time and I would have to walk to the senior’s hostel to get some water. But at the time of crisis one requires quick and brave decisions, and so I made mine.. seconds later I was climbing down the stairs, half sleepy ,half exhausted, half frustrated {deliberate mathematical error } with my water bottle hoping to get some water in the other hostel. I had anticipated my walk to be peaceful, but as soon as I reached the entrance of Tandon Hostel two dogs woke up and started barking at me. I didn’t want to sustain any injuries so I decided to turn back. But no sooner had I turned back than I saw them rushing towards me. I froze then and there. I was time for another quick decision. I had only two choices either to run or to face them. I decided to embark on the latter. I picked a small pebble and shouted at the top of my voice warning them to stay back, all the time holding the pebble like a dagger. To my surprise I found both of them running away with their tail between their legs. And so with a feeling of ecstasy I walked ahead into the hostel, filled my bottle, drank heavy doses of that once illusive nectar, and after I had quenched my thirst I crawled back to my room switched off the light and lay down on the bed.

But sleep was not to be. Random thoughts came to my mind. All this had happened on Good Friday and I was now thinking about my fear of animals and how my dad had once told me that man was much worse than animals in many cases and that how man had done acts which would even make animals ashamed of themselves. I thought about the Passion of the Christ and how he had suffered so much on this day, and I thought about the kingdom of heaven, the place he was born, how Jerusalem had turned red from the blood spilled in the area. I thought of the dialogue between Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Connely in Blood Diamond when Jennifer talks about how people were more concerned about Clinton and Monica rather than noticing how the world was falling apart to which Leonardo replies: “When was the last time it wasn’t falinng apart”. And finally I decided what the heck !! I have not done anything bad why should I lose my sleep pondering over it. So I tuned my back like everyone else and went to sleep…