A fast track city!

I have been living in a metro for close to half a dozen months, and it has been quite an experience. The city has greeted me well with awesome weather, a mix and match of airport runways and Harappan pavements, better traffic than Delhi and lots of work! The reason I say ‘metro’ is because, I have never lived this long in one before, and to be honest I feel strange and out-of-place here! 

Just to give you a background, I spent 17 years in Dehradun, while it was still a small town with few people and good looking girls (it still has good looking girls, but can’t say the same about the population), then spent four years in Allahabad, the land of budding politicians and IAS officers, where people still use bicycle as a mode of conveyance and my latest two years, I spent at Shillong, the city that sleeps at 7 in the evening and wakes up at 6 in the morning..

So, I have landed up here ‘down-south’, and I don’t like it and I am not talking about food here. You know when they say, ‘when in Rome, do what the Romans do’, well, I just can’t get myself to absorb this ‘roman’ behaviour in India. There are things which really make me feel that either I am too narrow minded or I have grown too old! I have the following complains.

Heavy metal is not the end of music:

It is fine if you like the growls and loud metal sound, but you don’t have to make an ‘i rock’ sign every time your song plays and start acting as if you are ‘possessed’. It gets even more nauseous if you do it trying to impress a girl. I am not saying that metal is bad (no form of art can ever be bad), it is just the blatant display of ‘I am cool because I know that song’, what I don’t like. May be it turns your girl on, but there can be better ways to impress the ladies than acting high and bobbing your head.

ManU v/s Chelsea:

For all the EPL fans, your jerseys look cool (even I have a Gerrard jersey I got as a gift), but if you do not know who Sunil Chhetri is, you have no right to wear them (those who know, please ignore the rest of this stanza).  It is good to have interests and be passionate about things, but bragging about your knowledge of the latest scoreline, or ‘I am cool because I love Arsenal’ while you have no idea of what is going in Indian sports is not cool! 

For the bhaiyas and didis:

Just one request, Bhaiyas and didis, please control yourself in public places, there are kids around (families as well). There is a reason why we have walls in our house, otherwise it would have been doors, windows and ceiling only. Period.

Girls:

I will be honest, I had never seen a girl smoke before, and when I saw it live, it did startle me! I am not against girls who smoke, it is a free country and everyone has a right to choose how he/she dies. I just find it slightly difficult to assimilate.

There is a reason why men became hunters and women stayed at home, a reason why women have special seats in buses and metros, a reason why God made us both different. Women are supposed to bring more balance and sanity (IIMs are not offering a girls’ quota for no reason), and if they start acting like men, it feels uncomfortable. Maybe I have pre-historic views but that is how it stands. (Apologies!) 

It is also sad to see girls not brought up in big towns trying to act like they have never travelled on a cycle rikshaw before. Please, a sincere request, “wear it only if you like it” and “drink it only if you can handle it” (there is nothing more dangerous than a drunk girl), because this is not Rome, Paris or London. We are still in India. If not for anyone else, then please do it for Anna.


Autowallahs

I have travelled in Delhi, but it was never this difficult to commute in an auto. The Rajni inspired auto wallahs charge you at whim, and can even refuse to let you in. 'Wapas khaali aana padega, isliye jyada rate hoga'. I will never understand this argument. We are living a bloody metropolitan, not in a jungle, please someone explain, how "khaali wapas aana padega"?

There is much more I could write but I guess this would be enough for now! Ciao!

Disclaimer

The views expressed above are only author’s perceptions of things around him. The author bears no hatred or malice towards any gender, caste, religion, country, state or district. Penelope Cruze’s photo showing her smoking a cigarette is the author’s favourite photo of all time.(Movie: Vicky Christina Barcelona)

India and Batman

It was a fun filled month for all the Indian Batman fans as we had our very own desi version of Bruce Wayne trying to fight for justice and attempting to clean up our Gotham city. Mr. Hazare in his own unique ways reminded me of The Dark Knight, trying to rejuvenate a slowly decaying system. His greatest problem however is that unlike Batman, he has to face more than one Joker, and all of them are actually very SERIOUS, when it comes to standing against them. I attempted to analyse his actions against the government, and noticed certain very peculiar things, not uncommon for Batman, but certainly astonishing if you consider Mr. Hazare a simple Gandhian.

Timing of the protest: A fast unto death was organised during the auspicious period of Navratri. Whether Mr. Hazare seeked Goddess Durga’s blessings along with an approval for the Lokpal Bill, is merely a speculative question but the timing may have proved beneficial for the entire protest. Fasting Indians must have thought it was better to sit in Jantar Mantar or other parks across India, for it would not only help them show solidarity with Mr. Hazare, but would also covertly please Goddess Durga, so that they can have more of wealth, health, fame etc. etc. A protest squeezed in the week falling between Cricket World Cup and IPL, coinciding with Navratri was either a well thought out strategy (just like Batman), or a mere fluke. Anyways, lets move on to the next point.

Role of Indian Media: That Mr. Hazare’s protest was highly publicised and discussed is a well known fact. What astonishes me actually is that, there were and are, several other issues of critical national importance which have been sidelined by the Indian media. Whether an 80 year old man staying hungry by choice deserves more attention than a 60 year old farmer dying of hunger is a question answered by TRP. No one wants to know whether a city in India has been cut off so badly from the mainland that leave alone medicine, even the necessary food items have not been available to its residents for more than 20 days. People are more interested in seeing a close to 40 year old getting badnaam because of his brother in law, while his husband is nowhere to be seen. But my point is, how come Mr. Hazare gathered such media attention in such a short time? Think about it.

The name calling: Indian media has a very bad habit of adding prefixes, postfixes or using a pseudonym for a popular or infamous personality and frankly they are not very good at it. More than 90% of the names for scandals are an allotrope of the famous Watergate scam and it makes me wonder that we need either more creative or at least better read people, in Indian journalism. Anyways, calling Mr. Hazare a second Gandhi is an insult to both individuals according to me. While Mr. Gandhi was a great man who deserved to be called the Father of India (ignoring the subaltern studies), though it is another issue how his entire family has been shrewdly kept out of Indian politics by the Congress, he would never have preferred comparing himself with Hazare. Its like comparing Dhoni (Hazare) with Sachin (Gandhi), where Dhoni is yet to achieve what Sachin has accomplished. And also, we should have first asked Mr. Hazare, how he felt after being called a semi nude old man who needed a stick to walk straight. However, whether the name ‘Second Gandhi’ was coined by the media or passed to it by someone else is an important question. Yet again, think about it!

I thought it would be a great disrespect to our PM if I ignored him in this post about issues which matter to us. As it is, he has been ignored so many times by his own cabinet and his party that I feel sorry for him. Ministers in his ministry have acquired wealth equal to Ghana’s annual GDP, while he still has the same old blue turban on him. When the entire Anna Hazare issue took place, PM only said “Yeh acchi baat nahi hai” like Mr. Vajpayee used to say, but in English. Moreover, the Govt. sent out Mr. Sibal to act as the mediator while the PM remained silent as usual. Sir itni safai leke kahan jaaoge? Anyways, I hope he has not forgotten that his first responsibility is towards Indian citizens and then to the Gandhi family. Sometimes I get the feeling that he has his priorities the other way around! L

P.S. : Sometimes it is better to play the devil's advocate. Not only does it bring out better perspectives, but it is also fun!

To Meow or not

As soon as the CAT and other MBA entrance results are out, a pertinent question which had been delayed till the day of the results, comes back from the grave like the Undertaker, and starts encircling the minds of the 'aspirants' akin to the manner in which the wrestling God moves around his opponent. The question, or actually the only question which can make or break your chances of getting into a 'decent' MBA college - "Why do you want to do an MBA?". I am pretty sure that the only person who can answer that question with 100% clarity is Rajnikanth, for the lesser mortals, well, they need to prepare their defences. Here I will attempt to present the reasons why people should do an MBA and who should not, hoping it helps someone in making his final interview answer unique and interesting.

Why you should do an MBA

1. For freshers: If your graduation (you may include schooling) was like Greg Chappel's coaching and you have been turned into an Irfan Pathan with absolutely no clarity about your role, opt for an MBA and try to cool off for a while. Lay low, get your thought process straight before you go out into the big bad world. You may as well become a free rider, and enjoy two years of extended holiday. There are some who simply do not wish to join a company, well an MBA is the perfect medicine for you clumsy bastards who in four years of engineering, have changed three keyboards and two mouse pads with mouse, playing FIFA, CS or chatting with someone you thought likes you.

2. For Work-ex guys: I am sure that having worked in a company helps you a lot in building such a strong perception about everything, that not even American Air Force's best Hawks could carpet it down. Well, for those people who seem to be bored by their work, or want a change in career, or wish to laze around, or wish to run away from their girlfriend, or wish for something other than a 9 to 5 schedule, MBA offers you a package you simply can't reject. You have earned enough (you think), to manage your expenses so you do an MBA to realise that the person teaching you is not much older than you, and most of the stuff being taught to you, you already know! And most importantly you realise that half your class could have been your sons or daughters if you had married at an appropriate age! {On a serious note, I have a lot of respect for the work-ex guys, for it is them who bring some sanity and sobreity in the batch, which otherwise would become gang of hooligans if the freshers were left to themselves.}

3. Money: If you want money in life, do an MBA. Period.

4. Girls: MBA girls are like Vodafone 3G - Faster, Smarter, Better. So you may join and take your chance. In my two years I have seen a lot of young couples form within a span of less than 6 months and then carry on from there. If you have been deprived of female courtship in your graduation (BTech, specifically) and even while working you could not hit it off with girls, MBA is just the place for you. Sometimes, this makes me think whether Pt. Nehru thought about the concept of IIMs with Lady Mountbatten in mind. Anyways, you get the wind, the choice is yours!

Who should not do an MBA

1. If your name is Piyush Chawla, or if you have similar acquaintances: If you know people who matter in this country, you should not waste your two years reading something which is never even used. Instead you may spend your time in more productive activities like listening to good music or going on a world tour. Learn something from Piyush Chawla, how many domestic matches did he play (leave alone ODIs) before playing the WC - 2011? So, enjoy life if you can, MBA is not for you!

2. If you think that Newton and Leibnitz contirbuted far more to the society than Paul Krugman can ever imagine to do: Well, you are the one with the scientific bent! The world needs people like you! Go do an MS abroad (and a PhD if you remain sane), and conribute in a more productive way, rather than making pie charts and bar graphs. MBA is not for you!

3. If you like to sleep: If you have been living like a sloth so far and wish to continue your way of life, please do not join an MBA institute. Not only will you make life hell due to all the workload you will not be able to handle, you will also trouble your groupmates who will have to drag you along with them while working on case studies and presentations. Well, if you can survive with that moral guilt of making people slave for you, you may choose to come but at your own risk (there have been cases where slaves have murdered their own master).

With this I end this post! Hope you liked it and I wish it actually helps someone in making a choice between MBA and not-MBA.

WISHLIST

Lets make this simple. Following are few of the things I wish should happen in the coming year, and why I have come out with such a list would become obvious to you by the time you reach the end. So lets begin.

1. Removal of ‘About Me’ from all social networking websites. For God’s sake only three kinds of people who actually take the trouble of filling it. First in the list are those obnoxious, self-dignified narcissists who find themselves too hard to resist! Second are those who are new to such social networking websites and fill out all the details asked, as if they are filling an entrance examination form. Lastly, the third breed uses (copies) quotations, various fonts and satires which makes them seem like overly intellectual or creative! In all cases, the purpose of having an ‘About Me’ is subverted. So, Mr. Zuckerberg and Mr. Page please save us from the trouble!

2. Indian Prime Minister should start taking an ‘energy’ drink: The reason I wish this happens is because somehow in past year one of the most educated leaders of the world has shown his vulnerability when handling certain potent issues. His ‘perceived’ impotency will be alleviated if the Supreme Court (which itself requires a vaccum cleaner to remove all the filth it has accumulated) ‘suggests’ (as it usually does) a remedial drug for his ailment.

3. Mr. Suresh Kalmadi should become the IPL commissioner: The only reason why I want this to happen is because Mr. Kalmadi’s ineptitude at handling such events would ensure that we do not have to see to cheerleaders dancing like a mooncalf when a boundary is hit. It looks lame, seriously, those fair cheerleaders ‘grooving’ around near the boundary! If we want to watch a lady ‘groove’ like that, there are much better ways, please don’t soil the game of cricket.

4. Farah Khan should start full time social service: Studies show that after the release of ‘Tees Maar Khan’ sale of dispirin and other analgesics increased dramatically! May be coincidental, but she is not good at making movies anyway. May be her PR skills and ability to wheedle out money from poor producers can help in a social cause and contribute more to India’s growth than filling government coffers through entertainment tax.

5. India should win the cricket world cup: However, seeing their current form, the men in blue seem to be riding on a strange kind of luck than on performance! I hope it gets rectified because Sachin alone cannot always save the team from sinking.

6. I want less bloodshed: Half of our energy goes in controlling the Indo-Pak border, quarter of it goes in keeping an eye on the Sino-India border and the remaining is spent on handling internal violence and terrorism. My opinion (which does not count for obvious reasons) is that these problems should be added to the list of Millennium Problems if we are interested in a solution.

2011 is going to be full of surprises and mega events! So, till the time December comes hold on tight, because this is going to be the year of change!