A fast track city!

I have been living in a metro for close to half a dozen months, and it has been quite an experience. The city has greeted me well with awesome weather, a mix and match of airport runways and Harappan pavements, better traffic than Delhi and lots of work! The reason I say ‘metro’ is because, I have never lived this long in one before, and to be honest I feel strange and out-of-place here! 

Just to give you a background, I spent 17 years in Dehradun, while it was still a small town with few people and good looking girls (it still has good looking girls, but can’t say the same about the population), then spent four years in Allahabad, the land of budding politicians and IAS officers, where people still use bicycle as a mode of conveyance and my latest two years, I spent at Shillong, the city that sleeps at 7 in the evening and wakes up at 6 in the morning..

So, I have landed up here ‘down-south’, and I don’t like it and I am not talking about food here. You know when they say, ‘when in Rome, do what the Romans do’, well, I just can’t get myself to absorb this ‘roman’ behaviour in India. There are things which really make me feel that either I am too narrow minded or I have grown too old! I have the following complains.

Heavy metal is not the end of music:

It is fine if you like the growls and loud metal sound, but you don’t have to make an ‘i rock’ sign every time your song plays and start acting as if you are ‘possessed’. It gets even more nauseous if you do it trying to impress a girl. I am not saying that metal is bad (no form of art can ever be bad), it is just the blatant display of ‘I am cool because I know that song’, what I don’t like. May be it turns your girl on, but there can be better ways to impress the ladies than acting high and bobbing your head.

ManU v/s Chelsea:

For all the EPL fans, your jerseys look cool (even I have a Gerrard jersey I got as a gift), but if you do not know who Sunil Chhetri is, you have no right to wear them (those who know, please ignore the rest of this stanza).  It is good to have interests and be passionate about things, but bragging about your knowledge of the latest scoreline, or ‘I am cool because I love Arsenal’ while you have no idea of what is going in Indian sports is not cool! 

For the bhaiyas and didis:

Just one request, Bhaiyas and didis, please control yourself in public places, there are kids around (families as well). There is a reason why we have walls in our house, otherwise it would have been doors, windows and ceiling only. Period.

Girls:

I will be honest, I had never seen a girl smoke before, and when I saw it live, it did startle me! I am not against girls who smoke, it is a free country and everyone has a right to choose how he/she dies. I just find it slightly difficult to assimilate.

There is a reason why men became hunters and women stayed at home, a reason why women have special seats in buses and metros, a reason why God made us both different. Women are supposed to bring more balance and sanity (IIMs are not offering a girls’ quota for no reason), and if they start acting like men, it feels uncomfortable. Maybe I have pre-historic views but that is how it stands. (Apologies!) 

It is also sad to see girls not brought up in big towns trying to act like they have never travelled on a cycle rikshaw before. Please, a sincere request, “wear it only if you like it” and “drink it only if you can handle it” (there is nothing more dangerous than a drunk girl), because this is not Rome, Paris or London. We are still in India. If not for anyone else, then please do it for Anna.


Autowallahs

I have travelled in Delhi, but it was never this difficult to commute in an auto. The Rajni inspired auto wallahs charge you at whim, and can even refuse to let you in. 'Wapas khaali aana padega, isliye jyada rate hoga'. I will never understand this argument. We are living a bloody metropolitan, not in a jungle, please someone explain, how "khaali wapas aana padega"?

There is much more I could write but I guess this would be enough for now! Ciao!

Disclaimer

The views expressed above are only author’s perceptions of things around him. The author bears no hatred or malice towards any gender, caste, religion, country, state or district. Penelope Cruze’s photo showing her smoking a cigarette is the author’s favourite photo of all time.(Movie: Vicky Christina Barcelona)